I love my birds

I have two love birds, their names are Jake and Molly.

Birds are the best pets ever! Their like a mixture between cats and dogs, but they're small and have feathers.

Why is that, you ask? They go to the person who doesn't want the birds sitting on them, like a cat always buddies up to the person on company who likes them least, and they follow you around the house, get really excited when they see you, and wait expectantly at the window to see you, like a dog.

Another way they are like dogs: birds like to.... do it.... put delicately.

Jake likes hands, and Molly.... Molly likes inanimate things.

Let me explain using a short video:

Shoe Proverbs

My dad came up with the idea of shoe proverbs when he was in high school, and told me about them while we were in the car one day.

What you do is take a well known saying, like a proverb, and replace one of the key words with "shoe."

For example:

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush becomes---- A bird in the hand is worth two shoes.

Grab the bull by the horns = Grab the bull by the shoes

The pot calling the kettle black-----> The pot calling the kettle a shoe

And last for today: The pen is mightier than the sword becomes The shoe is mightier than the sword.





The Dragairy Raticorn

How the Dragairy Raticorn Got His High Tops.

Once upon a time, long ago (we’re talkin’ before COLOR was invented) there existed in this world the magical Technicolor Forest. Deep within said forest lived a lesser known mythological figure, The Dragairy Raticorn.

Dear Dragairy Raticorn was the red headed step child among his mythical peers. With the body of a rat, unicorn horn, dragon wings, a fairy wand, and a lazy smile, he’s a bit of an absurdity Let’s face it. He is kinda stupid looking.

You may have guessed that something called the Technicolor Forest is full of in-your-face color in the same way the early nineties were. You would be right! It IS obnoxiously, nauseously, colorful; but the Dragairy Raticorn had a unique problem (as if he could have anything BUT unique problems): He was black and white.

Not a single hair, nor glittering shimmer of his wings had any of the slightest iridescence. This, of course, left the Dragairy Raticorn utterly saturnine (which means “gloomy”, for those of you set against dictionaries. Why didn’t I just say “gloomy,” you ask? Cause that’s BORING!)

“Why should I be so cursed to live a lifetime with no color of my own to treasure?” Thought the Dragairy Raticorn sadly, “What would I give for even a smidgen of beautiful color to call my very own!”
Suddenly the Dragairy Raticorn stumbled across a brilliant thought (I say stumbled, because he could not possibly be intelligent enough to simply “come across” brilliance. He flumps klutz-ily over it.) Back to the brilliant thought: He would go ask Martin Van Fairy for a solution to his predicament!

Off he went to find the lair of Martin Van Fairy. He marched over the Mystic Mountains, through the Specter Swamp, (I’m pretty sure he meet a Kraken while on his Journey. He drew me a picture --

See? Isn’t it cute?) and through a bunch of other stuff that I’m not going to describe because you don’t care anyway, until he finally found the Magnanimous, stupendous… trench.

Yep. Trench. Van Fairy lives in a trench. Mostly because he’s a bit of a hermit, and doesn’t like the kids coming around and asking him, “What did you even do while you were the president of the United States?” He WASN’T the president. That was his distant cousin. Martin Van Fairy is a fairy. Not a president. Get it right.

 He tries not to get riled up, because when his temper rises, color comes streaming out of his tail. He is one of those dignified types who hates to lose his temper in public, and believes color is sophomoric. He even despises his pretty pink wings. The man (fairy) hates color.

Dragairy Raticorn was so excited that he toppled down the trench. He plopped right down on top of Martin Van Fairy who erupted in brilliant exposions of color! Dragairy Raticorn then blundered around Van Fairy’s home, trying to put together some sort of continental breakfast, in hopes that a soothing cup of tea and toast would calm Martin Van Fairy down enough for the Dragairy Raticorn to petition his request.

“What in blazes do you want with that horrid stuff?” scoffed Van Fairy, “It’s better to stay as you are. The beautiful, monochromatic, simplicity of pure black and white is more than just your color, it’s your character! It’s regal, majestic, sophisticated! Why the greatest movies…” He rambled on in much the same way for several minutes, before the Dragairy Raticorn slumped miserably away. The reverberations of his monologue still vibrated between the ears of the Dragairy Raticorn as he peered at his reflection in a pool of blue water.

“Sophisticated? Majestic? More like mildly retarded,” he thought. Poor thing. He sank down and stared at the pretty, colorful flowers growing beside the pond. Martin Van Fairy had become aware that his audience was missing, and came out to the pond to continue his oration over the infantile nature of color. The way the Dragairy Raticorn’s brain is wired, you can practically hear the connections popping when he mulls too long over any one subject. He thought so long and hard about color that something in his brain snapped!

The Dragairy Raticorn savagely tore the leaves from the flowers. “I’m going to have color, dang it! And I don’t care where it comes from either!”

He threw the red leaves down on his feet, as Martin Van Fairy watched, horrified!

As the leaves hit his feet, they spouted rainbows of glittering sparkles! They spun up around his body faster and faster until they completely hid the Dragairy Raticorn from sight.

Suddenly, the sparkes dissipated and vanished, leaving behind the Dragairy raticron, completely in color! The pretty red leaves had wrapped around his feet and transformed into high tops! Yay! Martin Van Fairy was gob smacked the rest of the month.

 

Squirrels

We've been having an awful lot of snow in St. Louis these past few weeks.

My cousin, Laura, and I were walking back to her house from the grocery store, when I saw this really cute squirrel sitting on Laura's porch.



By this point in time, you have probably surmised that I am pure evil when it comes to little defenseless animals.



So I threw a snowball at it.

Lucky for him, I am a terrible shot.

He was stunned for a minute or two, staring at me.

I acted all innocent -like...

...But I could tell he wasn't buying it.

I watched as he scampered down off the railing...

"You know what would be funny?" asked Laura, "If he came back and threw a snowball at YOU!"

And guess what, dear reader...

Squirrel heard that!

Moral of the story: Don't mess with squirrels.

 



HEY GOOSE! Plus some of this week's fun :)

Hi! Thanks for coming by again this week. I have another comic strip of basically the same game, but played with a goose. I like geese.


The basic storyline goes as follows: My roommate, Jessica, and I were driving along when we spotted a gaggle of geese. I was unable to roll down my window, so at the last minute jessica rolls down her window and shouts, "HEY GOOSE!" Only it came out sounding really mad...



Now for those of you who aren't into the whole comedy-at-animal's-expense thing, here's a couple pictures for you.

Happy Birthday, Julie! (last Wednesday.)

My friend, Cody, showed me this picture. It was in an article on USA today or something. Let's just say he looks.... special.

And another birthday shout out!

 

Hey! I'm a blogger now!

What's up?

My name is Lindsey. I'm a college student studying Nursing at a university! YAY! I'm smart kinda!

OK! I have started a blog! I'm really excited. I always sort of looked at blogging as something people with no lives did... And guess what? I HAVE NO LIFE NOW

I started doodling on MS Paint. These are some pretty pictures I made last week.

Be warned: They are not particularly animal liberation front friendly. I call it HEY DEER!

Some background on Hey Deer: Hey deer is a shoot off of a popular game "hey cow." In hey cow, you shout "HEY COW!" from the window of a car (or a house...depending on where you live) and count how many look up. The person who gets the most cows wins.

I was sitting in my dorm room, when this young buck walked right into the clearing I can see from my window. I slowly creaked open my window and shouted:

The way he looked at me, you would've thought I ruined his entire perception of the world. But this didn't faze me. I waved like a maniac. He just kept looking at me like I was an idiot.

After a few seconds of staring at me, his tail went up and he started feeling like the sound waves of my greeting were wrapping a noose around his neck.

From here on, I may have taken a little poetic license with the story...

As a side note, you should have seen my roommate's face when I first showed her my doodles. So I tried to redeem myself.

At this point I was desperate. I can't just leave my story at a severed head and its rotting carcass decomposing on the back lawns of my college. I desperately sought about me for ways to just end it.

 

Who doesn't want a hunting trophy gracing their mantle piece?

Yep. And that, dear reader (haha! Pun.) is how I waste my time in college.